People Who Make My Teeth Itch: Part One
According to the latest adverts from L'Oreal, Andie MacDowell has been modelling for them since c.1861. This is entirely feasible, as she can never age, having died already many years ago.
According to Tyra Banks, to be a successful model requires more than just looking beautiful; you also need to possess a "spark" and the ability to communicate your emotions with your eyes. Not only is Andie MacDowell not particularly attractive, but she is completely blank behind the eyes. There is nothing going on there. On the Robertsian Scale*, which measures the inability to communicate emotion, Andie MacDowell scores a 9 (with 10 being the highest). Great white sharks score 7.5.
It is also a well known scientific fact that by 2013, intensive farming methods and global warming will mean that the Amazonian rainforest will actually contain less wood that Andie MacDowell's acting.
This is why I have a very real, and I believe credible, suspicion that Andie MacDowell does not mean our species well. How has she managed to be cast in so many films, and to have had a successful modelling career, if she does not possess some preternatural powers which allow her to influence film producers and advertising execs? Don't you say Kellycat hasn't warned you.
* Inspired by, developed for and named after Nicola Roberts.
posted by Kellycat @ 6:18 pm
8 disapproving tuts
8 Comments:
So who rates a 10 on the Robertsian scale? Go on, I want to know...
nicola roberts. bev callard. richard madeley. delia smith.
actually, i think delia is an eleven.
Maybe hert great big sparkling white teeth, so beloved by Americans, are the key to Andie's success? Go on admit it, she has a great smile, if nothing else.
No Emma she doesn't, because for a really great smile you have to use your eyes.
Big white gnashers do not a great smile make.
ooh no! too much gum and not enough teeth (said the orthodontically-challenged hypocrite)
ick
and how bad an actress must she be to be DUBBED for an entire film (tarzan of greystoke or whatever it's called)
frankly, if it had been me ("sorry, love - like the face but got to get a voice double"), i would have crawled back under the duvet in my eight bed ranch and never emerged again
Her voice was dubbed on that hair ad for years, long after she became famous. For a long time I presumed she was in the IRA.
I *knew* there was something suspicious about her.... I admit I liked her in "Sex, Lies, and Videotape", but don't tell.
I've always rather liked her but I fear I may have to reconsider.
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