Tears at Star Time

Surly Girl and I have just returned from Star Time at Small Person’s school. It was all very precious.

Small Person won one award for “Excellent Poem Writing”. The style was unspecified, but we’re assuming Elizabeth Barrett Browning. Her other award was for her science project, where she had to “investigate reflective materials”. This was in order to apply sparkly bits of paper to Cinderella’s dress so that, in the words of the headteacher, “Cinderella could get home safely”. Only Small Person could manipulate a science project to involve sparkly stuff.

Star Time commenced with one class explaining how they keep healthy and then doing a number of song and dance routines to demonstrate this. One was the “Wiggle Waggle” dance. The next featured a chorus along the lines of “Come and join our game, you’ll find it’s always the same”. One boy was a beat behind the rest of his class. This wouldn’t normally have made much of a difference amongst a bunch of six year olds, but he was the loudest singer/shouter in his class, which meant that each line of the chorus ended in a very loud and painfully dragged out “same” or “game” when the rest of the class were silent. Thankfully, naughty girls that we are, SG and I were sat at the back of the assembly hall so that headteacher couldn’t fix her steely gaze on us as we silently rocked and cried.

The exercise demonstration involved one child with a whistle shouting out commands which the rest of the class had to do, including some very uncoordinated star jumps. One of the exercises was to stand still and breathe. I’m planning on using that one in the gym tonight.

Another child with a very unusual and chavtastic name won an award for writing his name for the first time. One suspects that it was more of a case of “that’s what he’s written, so that’s what we’ll call him.”

Now, I want you all quiet and sitting up beautifully. Now return to what you were doing in an orderly fashion, backs straight, arms by your sides.