I never liked me anyway

It's chuffing freezing, so when I get home from work tonight I get changed straight into my comfy PJ's, ready to settle down for an hour of mindless mahjong before Duck gets home.

The doorbell rings. I'm not expecting anyone. Our house is currently on the market, so I'm swearing under my breath at the estate agent for not giving advance notice of a viewing as the kitchen is a mess.

I open the front door. An acne ridden chav is stood there pushing a laminated ID card under my nose.

"Don't worry love, I'm not here to burgle you. I'm part of a scheme reintergrating young offenders back into the community by selling household items door to door. Do you mind if I show you what I'm selling?"

Soft Liberal Me thinks, "Good on you for trying to go straight". Selfish Me thinks "It's bloody freezing and he expects me to stand here on the doorstep where all the neighbours can see me in my pyjamas while he trys to flog me tea-towels."

The two Mes struggle for domination over each over, before compromising and pushing forward Patronising Me as their spokesman.

"No thank you. No offence, but as you can see (indicates pyjamas) I'm not very well so I don't really want to be standing on the doorstep. Good luck though."

All Mes retreat back into the warm to consider their behaviour, before convincing themselves that they really didn't need any more tea-towels anyway.