People Who Make My Teeth Itch: Part One

According to the latest adverts from L'Oreal, Andie MacDowell has been modelling for them since c.1861. This is entirely feasible, as she can never age, having died already many years ago.

According to Tyra Banks, to be a successful model requires more than just looking beautiful; you also need to possess a "spark" and the ability to communicate your emotions with your eyes. Not only is Andie MacDowell not particularly attractive, but she is completely blank behind the eyes. There is nothing going on there. On the Robertsian Scale*, which measures the inability to communicate emotion, Andie MacDowell scores a 9 (with 10 being the highest). Great white sharks score 7.5.

It is also a well known scientific fact that by 2013, intensive farming methods and global warming will mean that the Amazonian rainforest will actually contain less wood that Andie MacDowell's acting.

This is why I have a very real, and I believe credible, suspicion that Andie MacDowell does not mean our species well. How has she managed to be cast in so many films, and to have had a successful modelling career, if she does not possess some preternatural powers which allow her to influence film producers and advertising execs? Don't you say Kellycat hasn't warned you.

* Inspired by, developed for and named after Nicola Roberts.

Here I go again...

Even though I've still been lurking and commenting on other blogs on a daily basis, I gave up posting anything myself a few months ago because I felt as if it has become a chore. I was so busy at work and at home, that by the time I had a chance to sit down and post, whatever I wanted to say no longer seemed relevant.

The reason why I started blogging in the first place was so that I had a way of getting everything out of my system. As my health has been more and more erratic of late, and my job satisfaction had dwindled to new lows, I've become more and more surly and blogging has began to look attractive all over again. I've been considering posting again for weeks, but the longer I left it, the harder it's been.

I decided to sit down tonight and make a start, by just tidying up my blogroll. Which lead to perhaps changing the template (the pink seems to have been growing in intensity and I was starting to feel nauseous) to perhaps just drafting an opening post - just to ease myself back into it...

I know the few readers I had have buggered off ages ago, although sitemeter tells me that I'm still getting a lot of traffic from the Ben Ando faction (Rhona - if you're reading - please have a word with him about the chin-fluff. They're never going to give him an important story while he's got that). However, blogging is for me to vent my spleen and if nobody reads or comments, well that's fine by me.* Well, at least I can say I have a hobby...

*I don't mean that. Please comment. Please. I'm just trying to put on a brave face. I need you.